‘Annoyingly Happy Couples Go House Shopping’ – Scene 1 – Take 1: And action! – ‘It’s not Stars Hollow!’ – And cut! 37 minutes at the traffic-cones obstacle course! And the award for ‘World’s Gayest Party-Designer’ goes to… Randall Farber! Kirk – Destroying children’s dreams since 1972! ‘Hohoho!’ Nobody likes lawyers! E-Vite to ‘Party Planning Hell’ – RSVP or jump of a building! Fancy people spit! Lying for Capt. Crunch! Lorelai, Luke & a pick-pocketing baby – How it should have been! Rory ‘High Stakes Deception’ Gilmore & Logan ‘Imaginary Boyfriend’ Huntzberger are related… ew! Meat loaf – ‘Most Disgusting Food 2006’ Buying the internet for 7$! Weird, awkward, juvenile – All that Yale can afford! Who is French-Fry-Guy? Rory is beautiful – That’s no secret! ‘Let’s make a baby.’ – ‘WHAT?!’ 12-year-olds don’t scare Kirk! No dancing but wedding vows! No one cares about what you’re thinking, Chris! Being pregnant – The most horrible thing in the world! And the battle for partial custody begins! Everyone has a crush on Rory! Marty is being a jerk again – But only until the trust-fund kicks in! Logan – It’s all about truthiness! Trouble in paradise! 143! ‘Boys suck!’ What’s your definition of ‘better’? ‘Venus and a bowl of soup!’ Christopher ‘The Gangster Of Love’ Hayden Vs Luke ‘That Diner-Guy’ Danes – Let’s get ready to rumble! Fistfight in Christmas-Wonderland – Let’s call it a draw! Friendless-Rory is cute when sobbing! (Un)friendly advice about marriage: ‘A ring is no guarantee.’

And in the next episode of ‘Gilmore Girls’ we’ll find out what Santa is keeping in his bag!

– Michael –

Misses Tip O’Neil, happy couples and awful presents: Wolfgirl by Kiki Smith – Payback Richard-&-Emily-Style! ‘And what was it exactly that she said?’ – ‘… we just ended up… ehm… getting married. So, anyway…’ – A nice memory on an answering machine! Lor & Chris – Something to be ashamed of? Free cocktails – Let’s swing! Cat-Sweater-Contracts & Kick-In-Rockefeller-Party-Rejections! Giant Pencil is back! Knit-A-Thon – I knit, so I am! Anything carbonated – Hit me! Babies – Free home delivery! ‘Just because it’s decorative doesn’t mean it’s not sharp!’ Futuristic Pirates – ARG! Babette & Miss Patty – Meet the rude side of Stars Hallow! Welcome wagon… ehm… wow, fantastic white coat! Marty – ‘Falling For You’! Double-sided Tape and Uggs – So 2002! New Mexico – A desert far far away! Non-Theme-y spaghetti and anything nautical! Regular guys drink beer! Weird-Dorky-Loser-Girl is upset! Paris is not laughing – Now THAT’s a shocker! Paris & Doyle hip-hop-dancing – A sight to remember! Men-Date-Fashion-Disaster! I repeat: MEN-DATE! Knit Or Go Home! You don’t joke about farming! It’s all about commitment! You suck as a mum! It’s show time! 6-5-4-3-2-1 – ‘Go ahead and knit!’ Let’s party like it’s 2002! First legal drink – Upside-Down-Tequila-Slammer with a twist! ‘Go Paris!’ Cute baby – Let’s leave TJ and Liz unmentioned! Thank you, Christopher! (sarcasm kills) Lucy – 21 years, 11 lbs and 90% tequila! Memories of Naked-Marty-Schwarzenegger! And he has officially stopped being a jerk! Don’t you just love Uncomfortable-Rory in her short skirt? Christopher isn’t the smartest guy or the toughest guy! But he is committed to Lorelai! Luke is April’s father… and he has rights!

Don’t forget to place your bets on next week’s fight: Luke ‘7.02-all-over-again’ Danes Vs Christopher ‘I’m-the-one-with-the-ring’ Hayden – A fight for love, honour and the mere fun of it!

– Michael –

STASAP, SLAMM and HDTV! American-Rory is wearing PJ’s at one post meridian! OMG! Logan is back… again! Abnormal is the watchword! Post-Snails and Pre-Launch! Bobby – The Dude! London-New Haven: 8h 40min Vs New York-New Haven: 1h 20min – ‘New York is so much closer than London!’ Heartless-Gilmore & Eye-Candy-Huntzberger! Gossip-Luke fights grizzly bears! Purple-Nardini’s first Boy-Girl-Party: ‘No juggling allowed’! Eat your broccoli… and your snails (No euphemism intended)! Gorgeous little black dress and the apron is cute too! ‘Married-Married? That’s SO great!’ I hope they got a dog license! A party with Rockefellers & construction problems! Walk three blocks? – Get me a limo! A lot of kisses for Rory tonight! Oh stop, you’re being annoying! Rory is networking (‘It’s certain people meeting certain people!’) 1001 messages! ‘Qu’ils boient des Cosmos!’ Rory insults Rich-Trust-Fund-Kid but isn’t paying any rent! An Inconvenient Truth: ‘You suck as a dad!’ Christopher messes with Mother-Daughter-Relationships and Lorelai speaks from the bottom of my heart! ‘Lynn Hirschberg meets… someone really mean!’ Judgmental-Rory completes the circle! April is really hot! Appendix-Transplantation and Ring-Spotting! Logan & Rory compliment & love each other! Rory moves out with Henry! Parisian-Rory would have wanted to talk (her out of it)! Lorelai is certain! The ‘Gilmore Girls’ are still the ‘Gilmore Girls’! And they are happy! Paint it pink and more HDTV! C.K. & Tracy are happy – George is flipping channels!

And next week I’ll tell you a story of birthdays, babies and knitting townsfolks!

– Michael –

‘Airplane food is one of life’s cruel jokes.’ 03:30ish to Paris! The editor is dead, long live the editor! Joani should join ‘AA’! What’s Bill’s name again? ‘Welcome to Club Nixon!’ Lane has to tell her momma: ‘Saimese Triplets!’ Welcome to a city full of Michels! Kata Ton Daimona Eaytoy! A little reminder for all Americans visiting Europe: ‘No shoes – No service! – And fight the jet-lag!’ Prozac, Luvox or lexapro? ‘Chukha hamnida hamnida!’ Cheeseburger can kill you! The metric system and CET rule! 104 floralies! Arty-Girl, Hat-Lady & the girl with the gorgeous sweater! Funny Americans shouldn’t be allowed to speak French! Nostalgic pizza! Touch the stomach and feel the kick! One’s got hunger and the other one dyes! Quit smoking and start cooking! Fermé? – Not if you’re loaded! Park benches are romantic! Give it up for ‘The Forbidden Fjords’ – They’re hotter than Munch! Where-Do-I-Go-From-Here-?-Rory is cute when desperate! Les filles perdues! Negative Amortisation – A situation where the monthly payments are not large enough to pay all the interest due on the loan. This unpaid interest is added to the unpaid balance of the loan and the borrower ends up owing more than the original amount of the loan. (Knowledge is power!) ‘I so don’t want to go to law-school!’ Casablanca-quote and impatient Chris: ‘Marry me!’ Mrs. Kim unpacks but Brian is fine! ‘Boyfriend!’ – It’s the return of Marty! And he suffers from amnesia! MRS. HAYDEN?!

And the highlights of next week: Rory is sulking, Logan is relocating and Luke is spotting the ring!

– Michael –

Raincheck on the Curtaincheck – Communication Breakdown, it’s always the same! Café olé and extra provost! Is the french-sounding woman kidding? Yale’s Parents Weekend – If your children hate you! See the gemstones of Yale and kids reading Tolstoy! Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert! Meet Handsome Dan XVI! I’d like a bite of Kirk’s sweet ‘Muffin’! Sookie is cheating on Jackson! The very thought of Luke in a speedo! Welcome to Pleasant-Yale – Where the ‘Leaves Of Grass’ are a little greener! Enthusiastic actress: ‘GO, BULLDOGS!’ Zinf, Super-Chris and Captain Crunch! Coach Bennett is hitting on Luke! Join the ORGFC – The Official Rory Gilmore Fan Club! Burn the American flag! SAT & 3200$ – Where were YOU, Chris? Misses Gilmore aka ‘The Riddler’ is a grand-PARENT! Zinf is the new Kropogs! Astronomy & chatty Lorelai! Einstein was ‘pretty smart’! Sookie is rationalising: ‘O Captain! My Captain!’ ‘No one cares!’ – Great pep talk, Maverick! The cutest fascist, ever: ‘Don’t be mad at me!’ Rory has lame-o parents ‘to die for’! Weird lunch with the Crème-Brûlée-Virgin! Blunt Vs Pregnant! Susan Bennett played by Marlene Dietrich? More likely by Anne Heche – ‘PSYCHO!’ 1/4-Life-Crisis – ‘We’re 1/2 way there’! Luke, April, Heidi and real cheese! Loud phones are detestable! ‘Bye-bye!’

Meet me next week in the city of love (and I’m not talking about Phoenix)!

– Michael –

Heavy baggage for spoiled and stressed Paul Anka! Baddest opening joke ever! OMG – Logan is back! And he’s astronomically good looking! Aphrodisiacs and flan – I love! Evil-Sherry becomes Yoga-Sherry! Wicked-Stepsister-Voice KILLS! London – All that life can afford! (26h 45min) My space – RSVP! Logan makes even ‘Target Advertising Potential’ sound sexy! Work-Dork & Work-Dork-Lover – the perfect couple! ‘The Great Stink’ – ‘I don’t think it’s THAT bad!’ Introducing: The New Cap! ‘Pick up the damn pickles!’ Paris, Paris and Captain Bligh too! Fly in, buy company, fly out! Pickles are no metaphor (nor chemical armory)! ‘Christopher is NOT Luke!’ Children, drink your vegetables! ‘Pickles.’ ‘Pickles?’ ‘Pickles.’ ‘Pickles – Pickles?’ ‘Pickles!’ Followed by a long boring joke! The Phone-Call Take 2: Filthy-Rory is farming rutabagas! Ahoy, Nick & Philip! And please welcome ‘England’s Next Top Model’ – Bobby! Fake English accents rule! Defrost with ouderless vodka! Kill the tunes! Oi with the letter already! Bobby got legs, legs, legs! Get literate! Special-Lamb: Sigh! To the derelicts! Chris is NOT Sherry! Fireman-Carry ME! Logan suffers from PPP – Personal-Pronouns-Phobia! Anti-Feminist-Rory is cute when jealous! The Great Wall of China is adorable! Five words & a kiss! ‘If I wanted to play ping-pong I would kill myself!’ Tu veux aller à Paris avec moi? Chipper-Emily prefers Sulky-Lorelai! Family-Car-Feeling… and pickles!

And next week we’ll go eating, drinking and… swimming!

– Michael –

I have had it with these mother@#!*ing snakes on this mother@#!*ing plane! Mmmh, Candy is sweet… (Christopher too)! ‘I’m sick of him.’ (second that!) Emily Post says: ‘Mothers shouldn’t date their daughter’s fathers!’ Happy Luke – I hate the cap! Back surgery? – I mean: ‘How lame is that? V-E-R-Y lame!’ Use safety cones while handling big heavy bowling balls! What I’m trying to say: ‘Just be careful, ‘LOR’!’ LOveRocket, j’adore! Don’t Do Drugs! Nerds Need Nunchakus! Beware of the Badass Ballerinas! Alliterations Are Awesome! April is back and reading: ‘Call-Waiting for Dummies’! ‘Dormatory or Deathtrap?’ And they just keep on coming! Desperate-Rory isn’t desperate… ‘…the Sexy Shoes, the Sandals.’ I have had it with these mother@#!*ing alliterations in this… ‘Is that the special thing?’ – Only Lorelai can pull that off without being annoying! Lor & Chris, sitting in the Mustang, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! ‘Young man, I don’t know where that’s been but I can say with absolute certainty it won’t be going anywhere near my mouth.’ (This episode has been rated NC-17). 70’s-Prom-Tux, Trash-Girl & Skinny McSlim are genious! Safety cones, Lor, remember the safety cones! Coming this fall to a theatre near you: PJ April starring ‘The Bawd’! Emily ‘Mel Gibson’ Gilmore starring ‘DUI – Are you two on a date?’ and Skinny McSlim starring ‘A Woman Of No Importance (Or Girth)’! Rice-Rory calls back later – Ouch! Mum in jail Vs Barn movie – 1 : 0! Lor & Chris kissing: ‘Take the picture, take the picture!’

That’s it for this week! Make sure to tune in next week for: Logan, Paris and pink hair!
You don’t want to wait? ‘I don’t want to wait either!’

– Michael –